Quest.05: Remembering Dad

This week we delved into how a dad impacts the life of a man, specific considering if we have entered manhood wounded. Next week we will consider how we need to take responsibility for our behavior that is a result of this wound.

Robert Lewis gave this definition for the Absent Father Wound:

An ongoing emotional, social or spiritual DEFICIT ordinarily met in a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with Dad that must now be overcome by other means.

The Absent Father Wound results in anger and pain, extreme behaviors & addictions, Inner sense of incompleteness, and/or homosexuality.

We also looked at what every son needs from his father.

• Time Together
• Lifeskills
• Direction w/ solid "why" answers
• Modeled convictions
• Dad's Heart--"I love you", "I'm proud of you", "You're good at . . . "

Guys, it's not about blaming Dad, only about understanding how we got where we are. Often, our dad's didn't know any better or different. The question at hand is: "Are we going to take responsibility for our actions and change not that we understand?"

I know some of you had better backgrounds than others. Let's rejoice in that and help those that didn't out, by sharing in their struggle and encouraging them as they work through it.

Okay guys, if you are ready, what are your thoughts/responses to the question for this session:

1. What are three words (or phrases) that describe how you remember your Dad?
2. Which, if any, of the four results of the Absent Father Wound could you most identify with? Why?
3. If you could ask your Dad for one things and get it, what would it be? Explain.
   

Quest.04: The Second Step--Unpacking

This week. we looked at how we are going to be unpacking. Robert Lewis started with a bit of review:

Why we, as men, struggle today:
Society, Family Dynamics, and (non)Relationship w/ Dad

Mr. Lewis believes Authentic Manhood revolves around three Critical Issues:

• Unfinished business,
• Establishing a clear, compelling Manhood Vision, and
• Creating a high impact, workable plan for our lives.

He spend much of our time looking at unfinished business. The reason for this is because we cannot effectively move forward if we don't understand who we are and how we got here. He labeled our unfinished business as wounds and listed five of them:

• The Absent Father wound
• The Overly Bonded Mother wound
• The All-Alone wound
• The Lack of a Manhood Vision wound and
• The Heart Wound

Be real guys! Be honest with yourself for starters. Then get real with the men in your group, they need you as much as you need them.

Guys, remember that this is not about looking for excuses for our behavior and treating ourselves as victims. It is about taking responsibility for our own actions and our lives with the knowledge of who we are. That is where the small group comes in, giving us accountability to work on issues/wounds, rather than behave like victims.

Okay guys, if you are ready, what are your thoughts/responses to the questions for this session:

1. Which kind of "suitcase" do you think you carry: A small one? A medium-sized one? A large one? Don't know. Explain.
2. With which of the five wounds unpacked this morning could you feel an immediate identification? Why?
3. If you could change anything in your suitcase, what would be be? Explain.

--
Check this free bible software. I really like this program, probably the most useful 'powertool' in my life. --B.E.

Q.03: The First Step--Looking Back

This week learned that each man has a story that has brought him to the point his now at. Think about your story. . .

How has it shaped you into the man you are today?
What kind of things do you need help to over come?

You do realize you will need some help from someone, right?

We need to recognize that we are not alone; others have gone through similar experiences.

We need to recognize the need to finish unfinished business. Things left undone will continue to affect how we relate to ourselves and others.

Okay guys, if you are ready, what are your thoughts/responses to the question for this session:

1. What personal assests did you leave home with because of your family life?
2. What major themes for your life did you leave home with?
   How have those themes shaped your life, both positively and negatively?
3. If you could change one things about your upbringing, what would it be?
   

Q.02: The Four Faces of Manhood

This week we learned about the four faces of Manhood, which if understood properly helps if we live lives which are noble; but if we are out of balance with any these faces, we live lives which at best drag us down. At the worst, we live lives that are damaging ourselves, and very likely the lives of those around us, those we love.

The best of these faces are summarized below:

• The King
  Righteous Energy--Convictions, Moral Courage, Servant Spirit, Righteous Leadership
  

  Proverbs 4:18 "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day."
  Proverbs 20:7 "The righteous who walks in his integrity-- blessed are his children after him!"

• The Warrior
  Conquering Energy--Initiative, Protecting, Provides, Perservering, Fights (endures),
  

  1 Timothy 6:11-12 "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

• The Lover
  Romantic Energy--Tenderness, Sensitivity, Sacrificial Care, Emotional Openness, Physical Affection
  

  Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, . . ."

• The Friend
  Connecting Energy--Loyalty, Accountability, Challenge, Fun
  

  Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
  Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

Okay guys, if you are ready, what are your thoughts/responses to the question for this session:

1. Which of the four faces of manhood can you most identify with? Why?
2. Which of the four faces do you need the most help with right now? Why?
   

At the Starting Line: Five Manhood Promises

Just to recap this morning, what we hope to have by the time we finish in March:

1. You will have a clear definition of Manhood.
2. You will develop a new manhood LANGUAGE.
3. You will significant personal DISCOVERIES about yourself.
4. You will make new FRIENDS who are pursing a common goal.
5. You will have your own personalized MANHOOD PLAN for achieving authentic manhood.

As we get started feel free to share thoughts related to this mornings teaching.

Or

Why did you choose to join a manhood study?

What expectations do you have?

Which of the 5 Manhood Promises most excite you and why?

See you bright and early Friday morning.

Have a blessed week,
Bill

The Journey Begins

Men of Lamar, MO:

Welcome to the journey. The journey is a wonderful one, that hopefully will help us be the men we want to be, even more are called to be.

This blog is a place to share your thoughts and experiences as we go up this path together. Share your thoughts about the view along the way that we all might gain from it. I only ask that you be polite and respectful in your comments, and please refrain from discussing others in the group. We are looking for your reactions to the material and insights you have gained.

Official blog entries right now will be limited to Small Group leaders and myself, but comments will currently be kept open.

This morning was an exciting time, and I look forward to the weeks to come.

Your Host,
Bill Emmerling